Jokes Please, seeing as it's OT

H-Rave · Post by **H-Rave** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 3:29 pm

Jokes would be nice,tho thoroughly silly.

H-Rave · Post by **H-Rave** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 4:25 pm

Ok So I'll start it.A Shetland pony walks into a bar.looks up to a bear who's sitting on a stool,and says "could you order me a beer please",the bear says"why?,can't you ask yourself?", the pony replies,"No,I'm a little hoarse".

[ This Message was edited by: H-Rave on 2005-12-29 16:26 ]

Liquid Len · Post by **Liquid Len** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 4:36 pm

There was great excitement and controversy at the university when the recently-acclaimed genetic scientist announced he had successfully cloned humans. At a specially-held press release, the scientist displayed one of his recently-grown clones, who had been grown in a mere 5 weeks, and was unable to comprehend the situation around him. But all of his organs and instincts were functioning properly, and when he caught sight of some of the female journalists, he uttered a low moan, broke his bonds and immediately raced towards the closest, dragging her to the floor. After a short scuffle, the scientist and a few helpers managed to rescue the woman, subdue the clone, long enough to push it out of a window, where it plummeted to its death. The next day the scientist was charged ...

with making an obscene clone fall.

dawman · Post by **dawman** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 5:58 pm

Why did Lisa Presley get divorced from Micheal Jackson?..............
It was a big misunderstanding when he said he wanted kids!!..............

Thank You, Please Stay Seated,

Counterparts · Post by **Counterparts** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 5:11 am

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Me$$iah · Post by **Me$$iah** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 6:22 pm

a woman walks into a bar, and says to the barman
"Id like a double entendre, please"
So he gave her one.

TA DAaa
I thank you

j9k · Post by **j9k** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 8:00 pm

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

it was dead.......

hesnotthemessiah · Post by **hesnotthemessiah** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 9:30 pm

A man walks up to one of the checkouts of a supermarket and empties his basket onto the conveyer belt. The cashier starts scanning the items ..... one egg...beep (sound of scanner).....one sausage...beep...a pint of milk...beep...one tomato...beep...a loaf of bread...beep...at this point the female cashier looks up at the youing man and says to him "You're single aren't you!?". The young man is quite impressed by her observation and says "Why yes, I am. How did you guess?" To which the cashier replies "Because your fu--ing ugly".

[ This Message was edited by: hesnotthemessiah on 2006-01-03 21:33 ]

Counterparts · Post by **Counterparts** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 2:42 am

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

Zer · Post by **Zer** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 4:46 am

How to calm down a guitarist?

Put some notes in front of him (musical notes).

narly · Post by **narly** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:42 pm

How do you know when the drummer's riser is level?

Drool runs from both sides of the drummer's mouth.

AudioIrony · Post by **AudioIrony** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 4:02 pm

I used to be a Werewolf!
But I'm all right Naaaaooooooowwwwwwwwwww (cough)

emzee · Post by **emzee** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 11:14 pm

Queensland (Australia) police went to a competition with the British constabulary and the Canadian Mounties. The task was to enter a forest and arrest the bear. The British go in first.....no guns... and come out a few hours later.

"Well, we interviewed a few animals, saw signs of bear, and heard bear, but sorry, chaps.... we couldn't get to the bear.

The Canadians go in .......and come out a few hours later. "No bears in there".

The Queensland police go in. There is the sound of a huge scuffle. Within an hour the other police see a rabbit marched out with his hands up, muttering..... OK.... I'm a bear......it's true.....I'm a bear.

(Disclaimer; Our force has improved massively over the last 20 years.

Post by **hubird** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:31 pm

In controll room:
Drummer: more drums
Bassplayer: more bass
Guitarist: more guitar
Singer: more voice
Crew guy: more coke

H-Rave · Post by **H-Rave** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 10:18 am

An elite sniper rifleman walks into a gun shop and ask for a top of the range crosshair sight.The salesman takes out the most expensive of them and says,"try this","you can see for a distance of 5km","you see that house on the hill over there,it's 4.7Km away,it's where I live".The Sniper says"Oh yes,but how come there's a man and woman naked in the bedroom.",The salesman,apparently very annoyed,takes out 2 Bullets from a drawer,he then says,"if you can shoot the woman in the head,and the groin area of the man I'll give you a 1000 dollars.The sniper says"hold on a minute and I'll be able to do both of them with one bullet."

[ This Message was edited by: H-Rave on 2006-01-09 10:19 ]

[ This Message was edited by: H-Rave on 2006-01-09 14:16 ]

BingoTheClowno · Post by **BingoTheClowno** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 2:50 pm

BingoTheClowno · Post by **BingoTheClowno** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 3:00 pm

BingoTheClowno · Post by **BingoTheClowno** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 3:11 pm

BingoTheClowno · Post by **BingoTheClowno** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 3:15 pm

BingoTheClowno · Post by **BingoTheClowno** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 3:19 pm